The Hangover

I am the epitome of misery right now. I cannot comprehend how I got to work. My liver is shriveled up in my abdominal cavity, my head feels like a thick, pulsing vein, my eyes are bloodshot and barely open. The only thing about my appearance that is somewhat acceptable is the fact that I managed to shower. I almost wish I would puke so I could have a valid reason to go home. I think the only thing that would make me feel better is if I had all the blood in my body drained into an oil pan. A nice, fresh start. I wonder if anyone will notice if I sit here all day and just stare at the computer screen. Somebody just walked by and said, "Good morning"...screw that. Is my brain outside of my skull? Cause it feels like it. I can't believe I lived like this all summer. How the hell did I do it? I should get an appearance on Oprah. And not condescending Oprah either. I want awe struck Oprah. Like I'm Maya Angelou. I'm too old for this shit. I'm done.