The Meaning of Lonely

I have been searching for you...where have you been? I have opened my hand to their stakes and closed my eyes to the lesson. I have cried myself to sleep out of the hollowness of my gut and awoken with no hope, no god. I have slit my wrists during duty and tied my noose while on leave. I have swallowed the pills, felt the sting, the burn, the cold iron on my temple as the sweat protrudes through my spine. I have dreamt sweet dreams and awoken in a hellish panic. I have been pushed, I have been tripped, I have rested, I have stood. I have conjured my demons for company, I have cut myself in tribute, I have inhaled. All these things...all the while I was searching for you.